Botswana, May 2008. It is the early evening and I’ve finally been relieved of the wheel after a full day of driving through the Kalahari Desert. The last few hours were hell as dodging the cattle on the road became progressively harder the further into dusk we fell—the absence of street lights coupled with too many blinding headlight brights can be a nasty combination when a year’s worth of beef suddenly pops up 30 meters in front of you.

Though I was tired, giving up the driver seat was not terribly comforting. I trusted my friend Mark even less behind the wheel than myself. Nevertheless I did try to cozy up in the backseat of our Isuzu Trooper and get some rest. I had no idea what a long night it was bound to be. 

A bit later, following a quick pit stop to fill up the tank, Mark careened off the road into a bank of sand. In typical Mark-fashion, he had sped up instead of slowing down upon sight of the ad-hoc caution sign of-sorts. The road soon ended…abruptly.

After a little 4-wheel drive maneuvering got us back on the road, Mark noticed that a few of the dashboard lights were acting funny. Most disheartening was the light showing that our battery was no longer charging. We pushed on however. Car mechanics never was our thing. The roadtrip would have been much less interesting if it had been.

The next time I woke up we had stopped again to fill up. All seemed fine, at least until the turn of the key revealed the battery was dead.

This mishap by itself would not have been a disaster. Deciding to get the car jump-started and turning north towards the Zambian border made it one.

In our defense, the Isuzu was diesel-ran, so we knew the engine needed hardly any battery electricity to run. What we failed to fully appreciate was the amount that using headlights sapped battery electricity (again, car mechanics was never our thing).

Next thing I know, we are 100 km north and 200 km south of any dot on a map. And completely stranded. At 4 am.

Best of all, we were in the middle of a major game area–elephants, lions, and all. Second best of all, we had next to no cash on us, just my single credit card. Thirdly, none of us had a cell phone with Botswanan coverage–not that we knew who to call anyway.

The night was just getting started.

- Alan

Photo credit: Bodie Bailey

There are scores of lists of the best road trips in the world, but no one seems to list the greatest epic road trips. There are only a handful of road trips in the world that fall into this category. These are the type that take at least a month to complete at a reasonable pace, and will likely result in a book.

1. The Long Way Down
As chronicled by Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman in their second book (which sadly has generally poor reviews), a trip from the top of Europe to the bottom of Africa. This might be one of the most dangerous road trips possible as you contend with political instability, corrupt cops, disease, remote areas, etc etc. Toss that element of adventure in there with spectacular sites and the chance for some great local interactions and you’re looking at one heck of an adventure.

2. Across Eurasia
Follow the tracks of Marco Polo, driving all the way across the biggest continent. The famed Mongol Rally would be a good example of this, but they stop a bit short of reaching the Pacific Ocean. Along the way you get to get to explore the rich history of Europe and explore remote Central Asia Steppes. There are some fun options for this trip on a train as well, but for a real adventure, grab your own wheels.

3. Pan-American Highway
Perhaps the most travelled of the epic road trips on this list, and the one that seems to invite the most variety of vehicles, from vegi-oil powered Japanese fire trucks to tandem bicycles. But being comparatively well trod doesn’t mean this is an easy or dull trip. You drive through he Rockies, along the Caribbean, past the Amazon, and down the Andes to the end of the earth. You also have to deal with some pesky problems like the Darien Gap, where the road ends in the jungles of Panama and doesn’t start again until well into Columbia. Good luck with that.

4. Around Oz
I would think that any Australian adventurer worth his or her salt would have done this in a small car in 2 weeks, but it seems to mostly be done with a camping rig over couple of months. The thrill stems from a gorgeous and sparsely populated country, without the hassle of border crossings of any of the other trips.

5. Around the Mediterranean
The Romans were on to something. The whole area around the Mediterranean Sea is beautiful and varied. For the modern traveller also offers a chance to wander through the history of ancient empires, world wars, and a handful of holy lands. There are a couple of challenges, like Algeria, but for the bulk of your journey you get to kick back and enjoy some fairly nice beaches.

Of course there is another category of road trip beyond these: the drive around the world.

Looks like there is a team of American’s who drove from Alaska to Argentina on recycled cooking oil.

Video by BBC.

So now I just need to do a slightly more difficult trip to one up them.

The idea of driving from London to Melbourne sounds fun, but doable. To add to the adventure, we really need to impose a set of challenges upon ourselves.

The most obvious challenge to impose when going for a long drive is to pick an inadequate or abnormal vehicle. My initial inclination was towards inadequate, as a small beater would be cheap to acquire and would require less fuel. But my friend Ryan has proposed that abnormal and customized might lead to some crazier times.

Enter the vegi-oil powered car.

With little or no modifications a diesel engine can run on used vegetable oil. Just filter out the gunk and hook it up. It might be a bit tough to find used cooking oil in the quantities required while driving across Central Asia, but it the though certainly is entertaining.